It is by the grace of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to practice neither.

- Mark Twain

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

- Mark Twain

Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we”.

- Mark Twain